The beginings

I was brought forth into this world slightly over a quarter century ago. Innocent and clueless I grew up. Life was perfect when I was young. Playing in the rain in the countryside, where I was brought up, was far the best thing that ever happened to me when I was young. I grew up in a small, close-knit, perfect family. It was perfect then, until I grew up and started discovering things.

I discovered myself. I sensed that I was not like the rest of the boys at school. I felt I was different, on the inside. I was not a queen. I was normal on the outside . I played soccer in the dusty field like the rest of the boys. I liked and played with girls. At least I pretended I was interested in them like the rest of the boys. I knew I was different, inside. I could not tell where my heart lie. I liked boys. I was not sure whether I liked girls. A couple of caught my eye though. The pretty humble ones. I did not like the loud ones. It did not bother me that I was different. I was still young.

Time passed, I was growing up. Life slowly started taking shape and having meaning. School became serious with high school. I knew what I wanted to become in life. I worked hard at it. I became aware of myself. My liking for boys grew. I became conscious of my attraction for them. This was getting real, I told myself. I met a girl. A girl of a different kind. Beautiful. I liked her. I still could not stop noticing boys. I had friends in school. We were happy. We made jokes, laughed and had fun. We were naughty. A few of my friends had an impact in my life now. I am happy I met them and that they changed my life. I still have unanswered questions regarding some of my friends. I never got to know whether they liked boys or girls but they forever remain in my heart and mind.

University came calling. I ended up in a different career. The river of life had changed course. I was not happy but I soldiered on. Life was throwing me lemons and I did not know. Now I know and have no regret whatsoever. I landed in law school. Four years of undergrad were probably the best in my life. I made friends. Life long friends. Friends who helped me grow as a person. My friends did not know that I was different. I knew I was different but I did not like it. Denial! I was in denial. I asked myself questions. I never got answers. The more I questioned my sexuality, the more it got confusing. I went through a year of denial. Then like a miracle, I got a revelation. ‘This is your life’, I told myself. ‘Let know one determine who you are!’ I accepted who I am!

I went on to get a job in the city after bar exams. Legal practice in Kenya is mean! I like it nonetheless. Law firms expose you to a lot. You meet different people in the course of our professional life. Nagging ones! Inspiring ones! Cool and collected people too! They teach you a lot. The legal fraternity does not accept us who are different. But that is changing with us the young generation. We are the champions of justice and equality. I accepted who I am. I did not however accept the stereotypes that society imposes on people. I do not like gay! I do not like faggot! I do not like ‘member’. I prefer queer. Queer is an English word meaning strange or odd. It has been used a lot to refer to homosexual or gay men. I am not like the rest. I am different! I am queer and learned! This is my life!

4 thoughts on “The beginings

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s