The other day, I was having drinks with two friends, Stan and Jay and as usual, we talked about lots of things. The range of topics varied from politics, careers, relationships to sexuality. Jay is queer and in a committed relationship. As for Stan, I will not even go there. He is not so sure about his sexuality. As the banter continued, attention was shifted to me. Questions were asked as to whether I was out and whether my family knew about my sexuality. These are the usual questions any queer man gets on a daily basis. I have got used to them and I don’t get offended when asked. I have been asked more embarrassing questions before so this wasn’t a big deal, really.
Ever since I was young, I liked keeping my affairs private. I never liked it when people pried on what I did or where I went. This habit carried on to high school, university and into my career. It has helped a lot in my career where we swear to confidentiality in the practice of law. I appreciate it when people don’t poke into my business and in return I don’t poke into theirs.
So Jay asked me if my parents and immediate family knew about me and I said that I did not know. I honestly do not know if they do or not and it really doesn’t bother me. You see the thing with parents is that they know us through. They gave birth to me, raised and saw me grow to become who I am today. One of the things I have a strong conviction about is that our mothers always know about our sexuality. Maternal instinct it is and is usually very strong. I told my friend that I had a strong feeling that my parents knew and we never talk about it. Jay observed interestingly that there was nothing to talk about, which I agree with. You see Jay is slightly older and has never come out to his parents. His parents are elderly and have resigned to the fact that he will never get married, to a lady. They know his partner and appreciate him for being in Jay’s life. You should see them hang out for family lunches and events. One big happy family.
In my humble submission (I sounded like a lawyer there 🙂 ) I do not think people should talk about their sexuality with their families unless prompted to. If you are comfortable coming out to them then that is totally fine. However if you, like some of us, are not ready to come out yet then you don’t have to talk about it, not with your family, nor your friends, or anybody for that matter. Sexuality is a personal and private affair that one has to be comfortable in their own skin first before going on to discuss it with another person. Personally, I am not yet ready to face my family and talk about it. They might have a clue or know about it but until the day I am ready to talk about it, then we are not talking about it.