My biggest fear(s)

What are your biggest fears? We all have some form of fears. Heights, flying, water mass, snakes, spiders…etc. At least I don’t have much of these except for snakes. Snakes and I will never bond, not now, nor in the near future and not even when I am dead :).

Anyway, the other day I was thinking about my biggest fear(s). Stuff like fear of failure (which is very common), fear of being hurt or being permanently disabled (God forbid) and others came up. However my biggest fear is being a selfish narcissist. Yes! I am afraid of being a selfish self-loving individual. I honestly don’t like people who are selfish or self loving. I did mention I met one here, who I ended up not liking after discovering his true self.

I am not saying people that should not love themselves. No. For all intents and purposes one should love him/herself and always strive to achieve what is best for themselves. One should take care of themselves, keep their bodies in good shape, treat themselves once in a while, work hard and smart to achieve the best and such like things.

What I am worried about is putting self interest first when it comes to dealing with people. This affects people’s relations and I have experienced it first hand, both as a victim and perpetrator. It is after losing out that I realised its never about me or ‘I’ all the time. At times we should also consider other people and accommodate their views, opinions and most importantly, feelings. As a perfectionist who likes things going my way, I have learned the hard way. I have come to learn how to put the interests of the other people first before my own…ok, not all the time, but at least in matters that affect my relationships. It has even got to the point that I have to make serious evaluations every time before I say the word ‘I’ like when I am talking over the phone or chatting via text.

It is a terrible feeling when you are in a position where you don’t matter and the other person is always overriding you. That should not be the case. This ends up pushing one away and it definitely contributes to most break ups in relationships. I do not want to be the one who is always pushing people away and my biggest fear is being selfish. I will not be selfish!

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