After the Storm

In the midnight darkness, the rain pounded the window hard. The winds were harsh and strong. Thunder and lightning struck hard, setting off car alarms on the street below.

He lay on the bed facing up and spread across like a dead man. Staring at the ceiling. He had been crying. The tear drops that had trickled down his cheeks when he turned to face up had dried now. The only company he had was the sound of the rain in the background and ticking wall clock. He was alone. He felt alone. He was getting used to feeling alone, and dead inside.

His heart was heavy. It ached. He was in pain. He did not why. He could not put a finger to it. He felt dejected. He felt unwanted. He felt unappreciated. Those he cared for and loved did not seem to care about and love him back. It hurt. He had done everything for them. He had given up his life for them. To make them happy. Yet all they seemed to care about was themselves. How selfish of them, he thought.

Life. The thought of it crossed his wandering mind.  Was it worth living anymore if the people he loved and cared about didn’t appreciate or love him back? It was not, he thought. He had failed. He  had failed to achieve his purpose in life. He thought about suicide, but were they worth taking his life? Maybe there was someone out there who cared about him. Someone who would selflessly love him like he loved. Someone who would give up his all, like he had. Someone who…..

Loud thunder and a flash of lightening filled the room with brightness. He opened his half closed eyes. He wondered what he was thinking about before the thunder. He could not remember. Was it a dream? It could not have been. He had been awake. Feeling empty. That he was certain about.

___________________________________________________________________

He turned over, reaching out to someone or something. His arm fell flat on his king sized bed. He was all alone in bed, he remembered. He was hoping that he was lying next to him in bed. He missed him. He yearned his soft and tender skin next to his. He missed his muscled arms wrapped around him. He wanted him bad, but he could not have him. He was away.

He could not stop thinking about him. He wondered whether he made him happy. Whether he made him smile. Whether he thought about him every day like he did. Questions he could not answer. He did not want to think about the answers.

He pulled up the blanket and covered his naked body. He closed his eyes. Nothing happened. He could not sleep. He pulled the blanket further up covering his head. It did not work. He was getting frustrated now. He had been struggling to sleep in past couple of days.

He took three deep breaths. He felt relaxed. His trail of thoughts came back. He wanted to be happy. He wanted to make him happy. He wanted them to be happy together. He loved him. He prayed he loved him back. He hated the pain and the hurt. He knew it was not easy. He remembered that love was painful. It hurt. He had been hurt before. He knew true love hurt. Sad but true. He did not like those thoughts. He had to be positive.

He thought about him. The time they had spent together. The experiences they had together. The memories they had created together. The future they wold have together. He knew he loved him. He wanted him to be his and he his, forever. He had loved him always. He would love him always. He smiled…..drifting away.

He came around to the sounds of the birds chirping. The storm was over. It drizzled a bit. The sun was slowly peeping through the clouds. It was going to be a beautiful day. He knew it. He felt it. He got out of bed. He walked to the window. He opened it ajar. The cold breeze hit his naked body hard. It did not bother him. He knew the sun rays will soon be shining upon him. The the streets below would be bright and coloured littered with autumn petals felled by the rain. He dressed up and grabbed rain coat hang by the door. He put it back. He would not need it. He walked out smiling, cold rain drops falling on his face. Optimistic that the it would be a beautiful and bright day. After all the storm was over.

Picture courtesy of www.bobartlett.com

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