I Have A Crush On A Straight Guy

The trees were laughing once more, dressed in their carnival clothes, the gold and scarlet of the autumn days. It was the season of hugs, afternoons with cold drinks and lovely smiles. The days were so cool and calm and golden leaves on the ground danced with the occasional gusts of wind. The people looked so happy and so alive in the sunshine.

I had not contemplated what would happen this Saturday afternoon when I stepped out to attend a friend’s party in the autumn of 2018. I showed up fashionably late, for someone who prides himself in being on time and hates it when people keep me waiting. I am allowed, to show up late for some social gatherings, but not all.

The lawn was littered with groups of people chatting and laughing out loudly enjoying their drinks. At one corner of the gardens was a deejay playing some good jams and a few people were dancing and grinding on each other. Such a giddy crowd it was. As I strutted across the lawn to greet my host, I saw this beautiful and elegantly dressed man in sitting in a group of four and engaging in hushed chat, as if avoid being overheard by other people. He wore these perfect looking horn-rimmed glasses, and for a second our eyes locked. My heart leaped when we locked eyes for the second time as I made my way to the seats at one end of the lawns.

man-wearing-blue-shirt-smiling-outside-1182238

I had not seen such a handsome man in a long time. After the breakup with my ex two years ago, my personal and private life had taken a nose-dive for the worst. I was in no mood to meet new people or go for dates or even hang out with friends. The heartbreak had sucked out the life in me and I had lost my flair when it comes to men. I had given up on this thing called dating and lost the hope of ever meeting someone I would want to be with. My friend hosting this party had insisted that I get out of my cocoon and show up. Turns out it was the right choice.

As the afternoon progress, I found myself changing sitting positions several times and ultimately sitting across this handsome man. Over the next couple of hours into the evening we kept on locking eyes and catching each other stealing glances. Every time this happened my heart leaped. This was not normal. There was something about him and I had to figure out. I promised myself to say hi at some point and maybe even has for his number. So, I lied to myself, knowing too well I did not have the balls to approach a stranger, and particularly a straight guy and make a move on them.

The last time I made a move on a straight guy was many years ago when I was in university and that was one hell of a ride, lots of fun and adrenaline. At least I did not get rejected. We ended up shagging on several occasions and later became good friends up to this day. Was I ready to try this with another guy, and after the painful heartbreak? Many queer men will tell you that running after straight men has always ended in premium tears and I was not sure if I wanted to go through the hustle of getting up close and tight with a straight man who might reject my overtures.

As tragedy would have it, the party ended without me making my move and this handsome man left without me saying hi or talking to him despite all the glances we exchanged. I got a feeling that he also would have loved to talk but was probably shy. I did not know any of the friends he was with at the party and therefore the chances of me meeting or bumping into him again where next to zero. Sad as it may be, it did light up a fire in me that had long died. I was now reassured that there existed handsome men out there and that I could end up with one if I got out of my shell and put myself out there. I went home sad I did not get to talk to a handsome man but also happy knowing that handsome men existed out there.

I could not get this man out of my mind for the next couple of days. I did not know his name or where to find him, but I had to find him.

To be continued….

 


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